The CrabbieMasters Beat the Crabbies book series introduces you to ‘The Crabbies’ and models the fun that my preschool kids and I have had for years as we figured out what to do to beat them. The key to having CrabbieMasters work for you is to have fun and be playful with your children to ‘Beat the Crabbies.’
From decades of doing this, one thing I’ve found is that once kids are introduced to the idea, they feel empowered. They truly love to ‘Beat the Crabbies’ and that this all works to create a great emotional balancing effect. It’s a fun and effective motivator on many fronts.
The real results simply happen as we all work together to find ways to beat the Crabbies in our daily life.
Imaginary Fun
There are four Crabbies that we call the ‘Primary Crabbies.’ They’re related to physical well-being. We call them the primary Crabbies because if any of them sneak in, they open the door for all the rest of the Crabbies!
There are another four Crabbies that we call the ‘Secondary Crabbies.’ They’re related to emotional well-being, and individual and social development. They are much easier to manage when we have the primary Crabbies under control.
Every fall when I start with a new group of preschoolers, I introduce them to all the Crabbies and talk about what it means to a CrabbieMaster. This includes hanging pictures of them all on one of my walls so that they’re always there as visual reminders for any of us to think of them. An amazing fact is that in the 30 years I have been talking about the Crabbies, I have never had a child not want to be a CrabbieMaster! (Crabbies images at cm.team/downloadables)
After the quick introductions to who the Crabbies are, and how we can all beat them, I simply use them as part of our everyday activities
“Oh, wow everyone, we need to get the room cleaned up so I can make lunch. Can you help me beat Hurry-Up so he doesn’t get me?”
“Jessie, your mom said you had a hard time sleeping last night. When it’s time to Power-Up (code for nap), can you lie down really still and close your eyes? If you can beat Too-Tired you will have more fun when you get up.
Real Results
Make it a great day!
Becky Undlin
M.Ed. in Family Education
Licensed Parent Educator
To provide feedback or contact me just CLICK HERE :)
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"Tempting...Very Tempting"
Eating "junk food" can have an impact on your child's mood and behaviors. This is particularly true for foods high in sugar. These foods may give your child on an emotional roller-coaster. Have you ever noticed that one minute your child is expressing glee while eating a chocolate chip cookie and then is in tears a short while later?
Children vary in how much they are affected by surges and dips in blood sugar. Some children have a very noticeable mood change after eating junk foods, whereas other children do not seem to be disrupted at all. Pay close attention to how your child acts within the first few minutes after eating various foods. This will give you a hint about whether they are experiencing a "sugar high." Then, also note how they act 20 minutes to an hour later. That will give you a hint about whether they are experiencing a "sugar crash."
Key signs for the Junk-Food Crabbies include:
If your child can’t focus first thing in the morning it may be related to what he or she is eating (or not eating) for breakfast. The same goes for changes in mood and ability to focus after lunch or snacks. Foods that are high in sugar have a proven and measurable impact on a child’s brain chemistry, which can affect them in many important ways. It is essential to look at what your children are eating and to reduce foods that are high in sugar.
When you take a close look, it is almost astounding how much sugar there is in many foods, especially foods marketed to children. In order to successfully beat the Junk-Food Crabbie, we recommend looking at food labels. It is okay to have an occasional treat but if your child is eating unhealthy foods frequently, it is almost impossible to avoid the kinds of problems described above. So, learning to Beat Junk-Food is important for your child’s social, physical, mental, and academic well-being.
Beat JUNK-FOOD
Eating healthy foods is the first defense against the Junk-Food Crabbie. It is equally important to reduce “junk foods” and to limit treats (ice cream, cookies, candy, etc.). If you are going to allow your child to have treats, we recommend doing so only occasionally and after they have eaten a healthy meal. It is important to teach them the difference between “junk foods” and healthy foods so that they can start making good eating choices.
If you use this Crabbie to your advantage, you can teach children healthier eating habits in a way that is fun and power-struggle free. If you point out how they react to certain foods, children can learn these patterns and will be more likely to choose options that help them feel better.
We have found that after an episode of the Junk-Food Crabbies, it is valuable to sit down and explain that what they ate made them feel or act in a certain way and that together you can make better choices in the future to help them avoid such problems.
For example, we once knew a child who would start crying when the effects of a sugar rush wore off and she experienced the “crash”. When her mother explained that she felt that way because of eating sugar cereals, the little girl made the decision to throw away the entire box and wanted to eat better foods for breakfast. Other children have made choices to eat just a few candies after trick-or-treating and have traded in the rest of their bag to their parents in exchange for a toy.
For parents looking to optimize nutrition, we recommend focusing on natural, unprocessed, whole foods with high nutritional value, such as fruits, vegetables, proteins (e.g., eggs, poultry, meat, seafood), and healthy sources of fats (e.g., nuts, avocados, coconut) Talk to your pediatrician or a nutritionist if you are interested in advice on this topic.
Make it a great day!
Becky :)
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"Anything's Right That Makes'em Fight!"
The Get-Along Crabbie is the Crabbie that we use to summarize a variety of ways that kids have problems getting along with other kids or adults.
There are many familiar phrases that you’ll hear when Get-Along is on the scene:
“I’m telling!”
“You can’t come to my birthday.”
“Gimme that!”
“That’s mine!”
A prime example of when Get-Along appears is in the car. Everybody is in a cramped space. It just seems to invite frequent bickering back and forth. Shouts from behind the driver’s seat plead with you to intervene, but your attention needs to be on the road. You know that by the time you reach the driveway, you’re going to be fed up with hearing, “Joey’s touching me!” and “Olivia stuck her tongue out!”
When kids are arguing with each other, not sharing, physically picking on one another, or calling each other names, we recognize that as the Get-Along Crabbies. When kids are having difficulty cooperating with parents or other adults, we also see that as the Get-Along Crabbies.
Kids who are able to beat the Get-Along Crabbies are able to build successful relationships with their peers, siblings, parents, teachers, and others. Positive social development is also associated with academic achievement, self-esteem, and overall levels of happiness. In other words, kids who can get along well with others tend to do better in school, feel better about themselves, and are happier.
Beat GET-ALONG
It is important to recognize that Get-Along is one of the secondary Crabbies. A key characteristic of secondary Crabbies is that they are harder to beat if one of the primary Crabbies is in the picture. So, the first step is to call it out if you believe that Too-Tired, Hungry, Junk-Food or Achy has joined forces with Get-Along.
If you notice that one of the primary Crabbies is often or always in play, step back and put your focus on beating the primary Crabbie. I have very often seen that hitting or pushing or yelling completely stops when kids develop good sleep and eating habits.
The ultimate goal of beating the Get-Along Crabbies is for children to be able to work things out when they have problems with others. In order to reach this ultimate goal, children need to develop social skills and self-control. There are many skills that would fall under these categories.
Social skills and self-control skills that children can learn when they beat Get-Along include:
These skills will take time to develop and they can be built upon as your child grows. We all need social skills and self-control to effectively meet our needs and face relationship challenges. You can take simple steps at your child’s early age to start laying a long-term foundation.
As with beating all the Crabbies the key is to eliminate shame that will cause defensiveness by talking in terms of working together to beat Get-Along.
First, start out by saying, “Let’s beat the Get-Along Crabbie!” to get them excited about the idea. A great way to introduce Get-Along is to do a role-play. Kids get a big kick out of adults saying the words of a Get-Along Crabbie! Demonstrate to them in a humorous, over-the-top example of a squabble, using words like, "You can't come to my birthday party!" They’ll probably start giggling and then you’ll have their attention when you explain that it is important that they learn to get along well with others.
Second, use your own words to give them some ideas of the “do’s” and “don’ts” while playing or interacting with other kids. Some tips to get started include:
“No hitting.”
“No grabbing toys away from someone else.”
“No yelling.”
Soon enough, they will start adding their own ideas to the list:
“No spitting!”
“No biting!”
“No kicking!”
“No pulling hair!”
Then you can add things like:
"Do share!"
"Do take turns!"
"Do say you’re sorry if you make a mistake."
Note: Let them be dramatic...this works great for getting it to sink in! Before long you’ll all be laughing about ways to beat Get-Along!
Next, explain that if there is a problem they are having with each other, they need to try to “work it out.” Sometimes they won’t be able to work it out on their own – especially early on. Explain that when they can’t work it out alone, the best thing to do is to come to an adult to help them work it out. After helping them work things out you can use what just happened as a good example of how to solve problems so that next time they will be able to handle it themselves.
Be sure to explain the difference between getting help to work things out and tattle-tailing. Tell them that when they can’t work things out on their own, they need to say something like, “We need help.” It is not okay to yell, “I’m telling!” and then run to you crying, “Johnny’s not sharing!” A key difference between appropriately involving an adult for help and tattle-tailing lies in the motives. In appropriate help seeking, the motive is to work things out or to avoid problems getting worse. In tattle-tailing, the motive is to get the other person in trouble.
When a child involves you for help in working things out, it is important to ask everyone involved what happened. Try to come into the situation with a neutral attitude. If your tone leads them to think you’re going to be mad, they might have a hard time being honest. If you are curious and come into the situation from a standpoint that you are there to understand what happened and give them some suggestions for how to work things through, they are much more likely to use this as a learning opportunity. Also, you will often learn that what happened was either innocent or a misunderstanding.
Your manner of handling the situation can provide good modeling to them for how they can conduct themselves when difficulties arise.
One more tip is to remind children that hands are for helping, not hurting. Many kids like this saying. Teach them to interact in a friendly and positive way. We talk about things in terms of ‘warm fuzzies,’ NOT ‘cold pricklies.’ Warm fuzzies are nice, but cold pricklies are mean! Sharing is a warm fuzzy. Grabbing a toy from someone else is a cold prickly. “I like your coloring” is a warm fuzzy. “YOU SCRIBBLE!” is a cold prickly. (Doing an internet search on ‘warm fuzzies’ will yield stories you may want to share with your kids.)
Celebrating kindness goes a long way toward beating Get-Along. On occasion I have had kids who have to work extra hard on not being reactive. For those kids it may require that you have some sort of a reward connected with beating Get-Along. Little prizes, baking a cake, having lunch and a movie are examples of things I have used to reward kids for their accomplishment of beating Get-Along.
Make it a great day!
Becky :)
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"Anything New Is Not For You!"
Before talking about what I have learned to be key factors in beating Can’t Do, I want to share a story with you.
A few years back I was having my group sign autograph puppies I had bought for our end of year celebration. Each child wrote their name on each of the other children’s dogs. I gave each child a piece of paper so that they could practice signing their name before moving onto the puppies. One little girl who had been writing her name perfectly all year, could not for the life of her write it without writing some of the letters backwards. Finally, after she tried so many times, I said, “Let’s wait and try again after your Power-Up.” (We call naps Power-Ups.) Honestly, I was baffled, and I just needed a break. She was one who typically did not take a full nap. I reminded her to close her eyes and not wiggle so that she could rest up and maybe that would help her be able to think better and maybe she would be able to correctly sign her name when she got up. I stressed the maybe because it seemed like a long shot given how many times she had not been able to do it and knowing that she was only going to be resting for twenty minutes. It was shocking, and sooo exciting for both of us when she got up from her Power-Up and could write her name perfectly! After this experience I began to notice that this was not an anomaly. As it turned out, I noticed that many other kids struggled with printing or following simple directions when they were tired. If I had them try again after a Power-Up, it was easy!
Since beating Can’t-Do is key to learning, as a teacher, I absolutely LOVE watching kids learn new things, overcome obstacles and hearing them say, “I did it!”
Beat CAN’T-DO
The first thing I always do when talking about beating Can’t-Do is read The Little Engine that Could. This story is something they all relate to. Beyond reading it, we talk about how saying, “I think I can,” applies to things they try to do that may seem hard. Then, when I hear someone say, “I can’t do this,” I remind them of the little engine and suggest they say, “I think I can.” Before I know it, I hear kids quietly saying to themselves as they struggle to get their shoes on, “I think I can, I think I can.”
My goal here is to share with you some of what I know to be true from my years of helping kids beat Can’t-Do. There are some basic principles I hold to. Some of them are interrelated, as you will see. Each child is a little different, so I adapt how I approach each situation in real time.
Having a positive mindset is important for the adult.
Beating Can’t-Do requires the child to have a positive mindset. The first step toward this is having their adult believe the child ‘can do it!’
It is vital to recognize that Can’t-Do is a secondary Crabbie.
This is probably the most important factor. If kids are struggling with one or more of the primary Crabbies, beating Can’t-Do is so much more difficult. As a reminder, the primary Crabbies are:
If you know that one of the Primary Crabbies is in play, address this with your child.
If you know going in that your child is hungry, it is advisable to get them a little something to eat before tackling any task.
If they are tired and it is possible to wait on the task and give them a little Power-Up, that is your best option. (20 minutes of lying down with closed eyes often does the trick.)
If they are tired or are not feeling well and they struggle with doing something, it is important to point out that the reason it is so hard is because they are tired or not feeling well. Assure them that it will be easier the next time they try because Too-Tired or Achy will not be around.
If a child gets frustrated and has a meltdown, try not to feed into the emotion by either getting annoyed, or by feeling sorry for them and giving in by not expecting them to try.
Honestly, I don’t see much of this because when I do, I put a quick stop by saying, kindly and confidently, “I know this is hard for you. You are crying/having a meltdown because you think it is too hard. Sif you can stop crying and I can help you.” For me, because I don’t have a history doing anything else, that usually works. If you have done it differently in the past, you may have to wait it out, or walk away. The point is, you want them to settle down so you can help them have some success. For example, some kids ‘think’ they cannot put their own shirts on. Once they listen to me and I show them what they need to do, they do it. Sometimes I break it down for them by putting their head in and then they put their own arms in. Then the next time, when they ask for help, I say, “Remember how I put your head in the big hole for you. You can do it yourself this time.” And They Do It. If it becomes apparent that they are not going to quit crying about it, you may have to give in this time. Then, later when they are calm, go get the shirt and say, “I want to try something. Let me show you how to put your own shirt on.”
Set your child up for success so that you have a culture that values them doing what they can do for themselves and for the group.
If I have a child who struggles with doing things for themselves, I give them simple tasks to do and then I make a huge deal of how great it was. In my environment, a key go to task for this is asking them to line the kids shoes up under the hooks so that they are out of the way when we walk in the entry way.
Make sure the child feels successful before they quit the task.
We touched on this above. If you have experience with your child that tells you there will be a struggle, go into the ‘session’ expecting less and celebrate a small step. Then, over time, they will be able to handle a little more. Your goal is to get to the point that they do not get frustrated because they trust that you will not ask them to do something that they cannot do.
The results we get when we beat Can’t-Do pretty much defines what it means to be a CrabbieMaster:
There is nothing quite as exciting to a child, and to a parent or teacher,
as the feeling we have when we work together and beat the Can’t-Do Crabbie.
Here’s to a great day!
Becky :)
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"Hey Slowpoke, You Make My Day!"
The Hurry-Up Crabbie is unique because it usually causes the adult to be the first one who feels crabby! Kids can be in a perfectly good mood at the same time you are feeling anxious and frustrated while up against time pressure.
The Hurry-Up Crabbie is one that adults really relate to. Our busy society leads to many opportunities for Hurry-Up to come in and ruin your day.
Hurry-Up can get you when you are feeling overwhelmed by how many chores you have and when it seems like there is too little time. Hurry-Up can also get the best of you when you have to keep repeating yourself to your child, “Get your clothes on!” … “We need to hurry!” … “We have to go!” … “Where is your backpack?” … “Clean up your toys!” … “We’re going to be late!”
Much of the time, when the Hurry-Up Crabbies appear, kids are just innocently being kids. They do not mean to be causing you stress. They may not even be aware that they are causing you stress. Frequently, they are just in the middle of playing or they are having a hard time transitioning between activities. Over the years, we have found that understanding this principle helps adults overcome the Hurry-Up Crabbies. It also helps adults rally the efforts of their kids to beat Hurry-Up.
Beat HURRY-UP
Kids simply love to say the Hurry-Up tag line: “When asked to do it…you get right to it!” Introduce this as the Hurry-Up CrabbieMasters slogan. As soon as they learn to say and follow this phrase, they are on the right track.
As mentioned above, Hurry-Up is likely to appear when you are asking your child to transition between activities. For example, when they are playing, and you want them to go get ready so you can leave the house. We have found that it can be effective to use a game to ease the shift between activities. This works because often you are asking kids to transition from fun to something that is not as fun.
It puts a whole different twist on things if you ask kids to clean up in order to beat the Hurry-Up Crabbies. We like to tell them what we will be doing to beat Hurry-Up (e.g., “I’m going to get lunch ready so that we can eat on time.”) while they are doing what you ask them to do (e.g., clean up their toys). They will probably get even more energized and focused if you add, “I am going to beat Hurry-Up. I am going to go fast, but YOU will probably beat me!” Then, when they beat Hurry-Up because they ‘got right to it’ you need to get really excited and show them how pleased you are about their accomplishment (sometimes we literally fall down on the floor in a display of shock – for some reason, this is always a crowd-pleaser).
Excitement and motivation make a great foundation for listening, cooperating and beating Hurry-Up! As usual…MAKE IT FUN and they will too!!!
Another game is to set a timer and have them try to finish their task before the buzzer goes off. If they are done with their task and the buzzer hasn’t gone off get into full enthusiasm mode and act totally shocked and excited…jump up and down, dance a little! Make it a big deal! They just beat Hurry-Up!
It is a good idea to set a timer for things like:
Adults are wise to ‘own’ all of their own Crabbies, but this is especially true regarding Hurry-Up. Adults are more likely than kids to have their mood upset by the Hurry-Up Crabbies. So, if you notice that happening, acknowledge it by pointing out to the kids that The Crabbies got the best of you. Then, if you ask them to help you beat Hurry-Up, they will want to pitch in and do their part. You might be surprised at how eager a child will be to be your ally.
It is very useful to start the day out with a brief meeting for how you can plan ahead and work together to beat Hurry-Up throughout the day. Remind them, “When asked to do it, you get right to it!” Tell them that this will help you be a team in beating Hurry-Up.
If you know that they are going to have to end an activity, talk to them BEFORE they start the activity about how important it will be at the end for them to listen to you when you say it is time to transition.
For instance, if you are having a play date at the park and you know that it will be a challenge to tear them away from their friends and the playground equipment, tell them, “Okay, we’re going to play now, but when it’s time to go, I need you to get ready to go right when I ask so that we can prevent the Hurry-Up Crabbies.”
By taking the approach we recommend, you can build a positive cycle with your child. You let them know what is expected, you give them an opportunity to make a good choice, and then you show appreciation when they are cooperative. They will feel good about having pleased you and you will feel good about how well this process can go.
It is easy to get into a negative cycle when Hurry-Up invades. We’ve all been there! Your child is dawdling, you’re feeling rushed, and you can’t believe how long they can possibly stretch out a task. Your frustration shows, they feel bad and they may cry or may lose focus even more. By the end of the exchange, you may both feel defeated. When this starts to happen, we recommend that you stop the problem while it is just the adult who has the Hurry-Up Crabbies. In other words, right when you start noticing your frustration, tell your child that Hurry-Up is trying to sneak into your day and give them an opportunity to listen and be prompt. More often than not, they will step up to the plate, you’ll feel less stressed, and they will have a sense of competence if you recognize their contribution to improving the situation.
Make it a great day!
Becky :)
]]>"The Sneaky One"
Are there times when your child seems to be doing just fine one moment and then, suddenly, they are having a meltdown? If the problem flared up quickly, it could very well be due to the Hungry Crabbie.
We consider Hungry to be “The Sneaky One” because the signs can be hard for both the child and parent to recognize. The good news is once you learn to recognize the signs that the Hungry Crabbie has invaded, this is one of the easiest Crabbies to beat.
Generally, there are two different camps of characteristics you’ll see when the Hungry Crabbie is on the scene: overly reactive or almost lethargic.
Over-reactive kids might get loud, shrill, demanding, or argumentative. They have a high emotional intensity and may start literally tugging at you. You’re simply trying to make your way through the checkout line without making a scene. All eyes are on you as your child starts chanting, “I want,” “I don’t want,” “mom, mom, mom,” “you never let me have anything.” They seem to protest everything. You might feel like you’re trying to talk to a brick wall. All sense of reason has gone out the door in that moment, maybe including your own! A feeling of desperation sinks in. Time is speeding by and moving painfully slow at the same time!
On the other hand, sometimes hungry kids have a sudden decrease in their energy level. They may appear sullen or tired, get clingy, become whiny or needy, and have a hard time doing things for themselves that they usually do with ease. They usually can put their shoes on without a problem, but now they want you to do it for them. Instead of walking, they want to be carried. They look sad and are likely to cry.
Hint: If these problems appear, ask yourself when is the last time your child ate. If it’s been a while or if you’re running behind when they should have eaten a meal, Hungry is probably the culprit. Just as we explained about Too-Tired, for some kids this might be a continual problem and you may have begun to think these characteristics are part of their personality.
When kids have the Hungry Crabbies, they are more prone to getting the Can’t-Do and Get-Along Crabbies too! Their lack of energy and some of the symptoms might also mimic the Too-Tired Crabbies. A thoughtful review of your child's day can help identify which Crabbie to address first.
Beat HUNGRY
Beating the Hungry Crabbie involves two basic steps.
We believe in the old saying, “breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” because when your child wakes up, they have not eaten anything overnight and their bodies and brains need food in order for them to function well. If your child does not eat a good breakfast, you don’t stand a chance at keeping the Hungry Crabbies away. Even later in the day, children do best if they eat fairly often. If you are in the middle of something when it is time to eat, and your child does not get food on time, you could find yourself scrambling like mad to beat Hungry.
We recommend being proactive so that Hungry does not catch you off guard. If you’re running late, provide a healthy snack to help prevent hunger. If you know in advanced that dinner will be late due to scheduled activities, plan ahead to make sure your child doesn’t go a long stretch without eating.
Have healthy foods on hand, whether this is in the fridge, in your car, or in a purse! Depending on your family situation, this may require significant effort, but it is well worth it. If you find yourself in a pinch and don’t have a healthy choice available, we caution you against giving your kids Junk-Food, because then you’ll have another Crabbie to contend with.
If you find yourself struggling with how to follow our recommendations for beating the Hungry Crabbies, we recommend you consult with experts in your area for help with nutrition and meal planning. Also see our section on strategies for “picky eaters.”
]]>If your child did not get enough sleep (see below) at some point during the week, the Too-Tired Crabbie will probably show up. Watch for the signs described above and also pay attention to the specific ways your child acts when Too-Tired is the culprit. Soon, these patterns will start to be very clear and you will understand how important it is to Beat the Too-Tired Crabbie.
Hint: Many adults relate to this concept and recognize that the Too-Tired Crabbie sneaks into their own lives as well. We recommend parents strive to beat the Too-Tired Crabbie along with their children.
When Too-Tired is on the scene, you can bet that many other Crabbies will show up too! Help your child understand that being a CrabbieMaster of the Too-Tired Crabbies will help him or her also become a CrabbieMaster of the Get-Along, Can’t-Do, Hurry-Up, and Achy Crabbies. Children who are overtired have a hard time getting along with others, trying new things, being able to do things that they can easily do when they are rested, listening, doing what is asked when it is asked, and, they are more prone to getting sick. This is why we consider Too-Tired to be “The Worst Crabbie in the Universe!”
Beat TOO-TIRED
The only way to prevent the Too-Tired Crabbies is to be sure your child gets enough sleep. This means they need to sleep well at night. For many kids, they also need to take a daytime nap or have a resting quiet time.
We understand that a wide variety of factors may interfere with your child’s sleep. Some problems are occasional (e.g., waking up after a nightmare, didn’t sleep well because of a cough) and others are chronic (e.g., late bedtimes because of busy schedules, older people in the house go to bed later and younger children protest going to sleep earlier). We believe it is important to address chronic factors, even if that means major lifestyle changes for your family, because sleep is so important for child development.
Even if you do your best to make sleep a priority, sometimes there will be disruption and your child will get the Too-Tired Crabbies. If Too-Tired shows up on a given day, tell your child you think this has happened and then work together to be sure he or she gets a good sleep that night. A nap might also help put Too-Tired right back in his place. Sometimes a 20-minute nap or a quiet rest time is all that is needed to transform your child’s mood. If that works, great!
However, much of the time, once Too-Tired has shown up the best strategy is to do your best not to be upset by your child’s mood and to focus on working together to prevent this from happening in the future. If the case of The Crabbies is really bad, don’t try to reason with your child in the moment, just acknowledge that Too-Tired has gotten into the day and don’t blame your child. Assure them that you notice that Too-Tired is causing problems today and that you will help them Beat Too-Tired by helping them get better rest. Our experience is that most children do not like how they feel when the Too-Tired Crabbie has gotten them. They are usually relieved that you are going to help them with this problem, and they become willing to be on your team as you both become CrabbieMasters of the Too-Tired Crabbies.
How do you know if your child is getting enough sleep? The following information may serve as a guide.
Average number of hours of sleep needed per day, including nighttime sleep and naps:
Infant (0-12 months) - 14-18 hours
Toddler (13-36 months) - 13 hours
Preschooler (3-6 years) - 12 hours
School-age (6-12 years) - 10-11 hours
Adolescent (13-19 years) - 9.25 hours
Adult (20+ years) - 8.25 hours
*Average sleep needs according to the book Sleepless in America, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, (p. 123). Note, some sleep needs vary by person, some need less and some need more, these are general guidelines.
]]>Over the years I have discovered that being a CrabbieMaster is fun for me because it is sort of a game of whodunit! You may have seen our social media posts that we have been calling – Guess the Crabbie.
There are often multiple Crabbies at work in one of those days when things take a turn for the worst. What I have found to be key is to be able to quickly assess the situation, figure out which Crabbie has sneaked in, and deal with it! The Crabbies may be imaginary, but what they represent is very real.
The first thing I do is run down the list of the primary Crabbies:
Too-Tired: is too little sleep the issue? Also, I know that it is often about sleep patterns, not simply how much sleep someone had last night. Too-Tired is tricky because you may not see the impact from just one night of too little sleep. For example, issues often come up on Tuesday, as the delayed result of a busy weekend.
Hungry: what time of day is it? Have we waited too long to eat? Or did we eat too little at our last meal? If Too-Tired was involved, were we too tired to eat enough?
Junk-Food: what did we eat? Remember, sugar does not give us the same long-lasting energy that protein and complex carbohydrates like fruits and vegetables do.
Achy: a quick touch of the forehead can tell you if someone has an obvious fever. Is it allergy season, or cold season? If Achy is at work, everything is going to seem harder, and this opens the door for all the Crabbies.
The secondary Crabbies are called secondary because generally speaking, they have less power if they are working alone. The real trouble comes if one of the primary Crabbies is also at play. The tricky part is that what we notice primarily is that someone is crying and saying, “I can’t do this.” Or, “I don’t want to play with you!” or “I don’t want to clean up my toys!” Although these are obvious indicators of Can’t-Do, Get-Along and Hurry-Up, what is often the underlying, less obvious case is that more often than not, there is also a primary Crabbie at play. The reality is that you can spend all day battling the secondary Crabbies with no real results if one of the primary Crabbies is behind it and you don’t address the primary Crabbie! I will repeat. If there is a primary Crabbie involved, you must recognize that and put your focus on getting that Crabbie in line before expecting any results on getting rid of secondary Crabbies!
In future posts I will be sharing more detailed info on the nature of each of the eight Crabbies and what we have learned about beating them.
Take Charge and Make It a Great Day!
Becky :)
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Getting plenty of sleep.
Eating meals on time and having healthy snacks.
NOT eating Junk-Food in place of healthy foods.
Staying Healthy by doing all of the above, as well as frequent handwashing, and in today’s world, wearing a mask.
The above Crabbies are those we refer to as “Primary Crabbies” because when we beat them, it is much easier to beat the other 4 Crabbies.
So often emotions, attitudes and behaviors interfere with learning. Beating those primary Crabbies and in turn lessoning the impact of the secondary Crabbies is key to managing emotions, improving attitudes and promoting positive behaviors.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had parents tell me that their children are having trouble in their school. They go on to describe behaviors that are causing them issues. I ask them about sleep or eating habits. I would say that 9 times out of 10, they are not getting enough sleep, or they are not getting enough to eat, or eating the kinds of foods that are not sticking with them because it is too much sugar and not enough protein. I.e. Junk-Food.
The point I want to make in this post is that even after parents recognize that their child is short on sleep or has not been getting enough to eat, it is so hard for them to get past the negative behaviors.
The truth is, when I was able to convince them that lack of sleep and not eating breakfast or needing a morning snack was the real cause of the problem, and they focused on the sleep and eating rather than the negative behavior, that behavior changed.
This is not to say that Can’t-Do, Get-Along, and Hurry-UP are never the primary issue. They certainly may be. Fortunately, there are things we can teach our children to do to beat those Crabbies too! Future posts will talk in more detail about the nature of each of the Crabbies and how to beat them.
For now, as kids go back to school, it is going to make a huge difference for your child if everyone understands the importance of beating the primary Crabbies in order to help kids with confidence issues associated with Can’t-Do; relationship issues associated with Get-Along; and transition, listening and general cooperation issues associated with Hurry-Up.
Overall, beating the Crabbies will give your child a feeling of control and well-being as they start a new school year.
Here's to a great start to the new school year!
]]>The Value of Listening – a 45 Year Perspective
In my previous post, I talked about what I called the ‘Power of Listening’ skills. I called it Part I because what I have learned about the impact of listening skills on children’s learning and how that impacts their overall self- esteem could be an entire book. It was in my third year of teaching that I learned the most about the role good listening skills plays in academic and social development.
Before I tell you the insights I gained in year three, you will need some backstory. I started my teaching career as a 4th, 5th and 6th grade math specialist. The first two years I taught two classes of each grade level every day. The children were tested and divided into high, middle and low group classes. Being the youngest of the team, the other teachers informed me that the high group class would be awesome. Everyone would be excited about math. The middle group class would be pretty blah. Kids would be slumped in their desks, there would not be a lot of problems, but also – not a lot of excitement. The low group class would be the toughest. The kids had either behavioral or learning issues. They would give me a run for my money. My coworkers were spot on with their descriptions. From the start, grouping did not set right with me, but I had always wanted to be a teacher and I loved my job. Fortunately, my first year went well.
The early days
If I had to describe my second year in a word, I would say it was a ‘nightmare.’ I literally had bad dreams that entire year. I still remember one because I had it repeated multiple nights in a row. It was actually a little funny, and also very telling of the frustration I had. One of the 5th grade boys from the ‘middle group’ was in my shopping cart and throwing things out as I put them in. I did not need a dream specialist to tell me what this dream was about. This was the kid who caused daily disruption with constant silly comments, causing the others to not pay attention to what I was saying. He was mild compared to the 6th grader who drew weapons on his folder and labeled it, “Things to kill Rhoten with.” (I was Rhoten 😊 ) or the ‘low group’ of the 25 boys who would not stay in their seats and threw golf ball-sized spit balls at me while I was writing on the chalkboard. Had I not had such a love of children and a strong desire to teach, I would not have gone back for a third year. I should also note that since we were departmentalized, each of these students had a homeroom teacher, a gym teacher, a music teacher, an art teacher, and some of them a special services teacher. I was not the only one who had issues with these children. The one thing I had that the others did not have was that because we grouped for math, I had the kids with issues in one group.
Before going into my third year I knew I had to figure out a way to take charge. One of the best things that happened was that the enrollments were on the decline and we no longer had six classes of each grade level. This meant that the math classes could not be grouped according to ability. I had a theory that maybe I could get all of the kids to ‘act like’ those ‘high group’ kids. I came up with a plan and it worked!
Each student was given four grades in Math: Basic Facts; Computation; Problem Solving; Work Habits. On the first day I announced to each class that everyone already had an ‘A’ in work habits. The difference was immediate. You could have heard a pin drop as I explained to them what they needed to do to keep the ‘A.’ The deal was that all they needed to do is pay attention. I went on to tell them that I believed that I was a great teacher and that meant that if they had good work habits, I would be able to teach them so that they would also get good grades in the other three areas.
Getting everyone to pay attention was the first piece. The second piece was that I would give my lesson. Then, they would have what I called a ‘quickie quiz.’ I put a problem on the overhead and when they had solved the problem they got out of their seat and came and showed it to me. If they knew how to do it, they could go back to their seat and start their homework. If they did not solve it, they went back to their seat to listen to more instruction. The quickie quiz showed me where each of my students were having problems so I could address what they had not understood for the class.
At first, some of the kids, presumably those who would have been in the ‘low group’ had we still been grouping, took a long time to ‘get it.’ BUT, I would not let them quit! Even if it took most of the class time, they all DID get it. AND, if they had good work habits for the entire time, they did not have homework. No homework was probably as big a motivator as was the ‘A’ for the class.
It did not take long before everyone was ‘getting it’ with very little additional instruction. This included the kids who qualified for special services. Why? Because they realized that I was not going to quit working with them and what I had told them was true: “If they listened the first time, they would learn it faster!”
This plan not only worked for all my classes my third year. It worked for all my classes my fourth and fifth year. (I did not have a sixth year because the declining enrollments resulted in me being laid off.) In case you are wondering if maybe it was just that my second year was exceptionally tough, I should tell you that I was always a part of meetings with the other teachers. Kids who were doing well in my class were still struggling in the other classes. It was true that the kids understood that they learned more because they listened. AND, it was also true that I adapted how I taught when I saw those quickie quizzes.
The real lesson from 45 years of experience is that teaching and learning both require that the teacher and the learner work together. The learner’s responsibility is to focus on listening – to simply pay attention.
For my next blog post, I’ll talk more about the teacher’s responsibility as that piece relates to listening – to also paying attention.
Be sure to check out this related blog post:
CrabbieMasters Beat the Summer Slide by Sharpening Their Listening Skills
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Beat the Summer Slide.
CrabbieMasters Recognize the Power of Listening Skills!
It is always a challenge to find the balance between providing a fun recreational summer and also avoiding what educators call the “summer slide.” After all, there is only so much time in a day!
The solution I have come up with is to put major focus on our third CrabbieMasters ‘Beat The Crabbies’ Step:
Listen the First Time
The reality is that kids who know how to listen and follow directions have an easier time learning. And kids who have an easier time learning are more interested in listening to and following directions.
Summertime is the perfect time to motivate kids to be good listeners and to follow directions.
I start the process in June when everyone is excited about getting outside to do one of our water activities.
Before we all go outside, everyone needs to:
Everyone quickly sees the value of listening and following directions. I can’t have a child inside the house while everyone is in the pool. This is a simple safety rule. I need to be available for everyone at a moment’s notice. It does not take long for everyone to recognize the importance of keeping their focus! Explaining how all of these pieces interrelate helps them understand the importance of listening. This is a great set up for when I need them to listen on academic teaching.
Taking this a step further, kids will ask me if we can do something they remember from past years. I tell them we can if they can pitch in. Of course, they agree. The ability to ‘pitch in’ also requires listening and following directions. I learned early on that I could not do it all by myself. I had to have help. What I did not realize was how ‘helping me’ was so valuable to the kids. Not only were they able to do more things because they could listen, overall, they were more confident in their capabilities.
Good listeners and confident kids? I think that means a lot when it comes to avoiding the ‘summer slide.’ More next time!
Be sure to check out this related blog post:
The Value of Listening – a 45 Year Perspective
Join our newsletter and SAVE 15% on your first order. Just enter your email address at the bottom of any page.
Or click here to order today and SAVE 20% on any order over $75. In the discount code box during checkout just enter TODAY20
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CrabbieMasters is imaginary fun that leads to real results. The imaginary Crabbie characters help children tune into their actual needs and help them understand how to interact with the real outside world in order to get those needs met.
Generally, when a child beats a Crabbie, they are developing positive habits that help them manage the typical ups and downs of the day. These positive habits contribute to their overall wellbeing and feeling of self-worth. Though there are multiple ‘real results’ that come from beating each of the eight Crabbies, I have highlighted below the main positive result for each Crabbie.
Ultimately, the fun associated with adults and children working together to beat the Crabbies results in adults and children identifying what needs to be done in order to maximize individual happiness and family harmony.
(Imaginary Fun Real Results chart can be downloaded at cm.team/downloadables)
]]>3 Steps to Help Your Child Regulate Their Emotions
CrabbieMasters is imaginary fun that results in children learning how to regulate their emotions. Daniel Goleman’s 1995 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence, popularized the concept that emotion regulation is made up of a variety of skills that contribute to emotional intelligence. Emotion regulation refers to one’s ability to tune in to what is happening emotionally to oneself and others in a given moment, use strategies to manage the emotion and continue to engage in necessary activities even when distressed.
The first Crabbies were drawn in 1990. Without recognizing exactly what was going on, as the kids and I were becoming CrabbieMasters, what we were doing was in fact taking control of our emotions. In other words, being a CrabbieMaster is a means of emotional regulation as described above.
Here are three steps to take with the CrabbieMasters program in teaching your child to regulate their emotions:
If you or your child become emotionally off, acknowledge it! Maybe you feel irritated, maybe sad, or someone had a meltdown. Recognize this as being caused by one of the Crabbies.
For example, one year we frequently noticed that at around 10:30 in the morning some kind of conflict between kids would break out. (E.g. someone did not want to help clean up; someone else sat under a tree, “because no one wants to play with me”)
As CrabbieMasters we knew we had to figure out which Crabbie was causing this. On the surface it seemed like Get-Along and Hurry-Up could be culprits. But, we also noticed that it was the same kids who were hitting this daily mood shift. Normally, they did not have issues with getting along with others. What did they have in common? Turns out they had moms who were teachers who had all been shifted to an earlier start time. This meant their children had to get up and ready an hour earlier too, so they were coming extra early before the official preschool day started. Guess what?! After talking to all the moms, we realized their kids simply weren’t hungry enough to eat much for breakfast before they arrived. AND by 10:30 - wham! Simple solution: we gave them an extra snack, around 8:30, before the others arrived for preschool. Problem solved! Everyone was good to go until we had lunch. It was the Hungry Crabbie! AND to make it fun, we called the small group The Breakfast Club!
Figure out which Crabbie may be getting us and do what it takes to beat that Crabbie. CrabbieMasters know: Too-Tired means you need sleep or a Power-Up; Hungry means you need to eat; etc.
It may help to acknowledge your own emotions first, or a time that a Crabbie got the best of you. Help your child learn that emotions and Crabbies impact us all, regardless of age.
The CrabbieMaster mantra says it: “We know what they like. We just don’t do it. We know what they don’t like. We get right to it.”
CrabbieMasters know how to “turn our day around.” Even better, with practice, we learn to manage the Crabbies ahead of time so that we avoid many stressful times.
As described above, we recognized that sometimes the Hungry Crabbie sneaks in. In addition to providing a snack for ‘the breakfast club,’ we now also recognize that other children may have a low spot mid-morning. Simply recognizing it helps the child push through until we have lunch.
Since I first came up with the concept, early development of emotion regulation skills has been scientifically linked to improved school performance, better social relationships and better overall well-being in life. According to Coleman, “we should be teaching kids regularly, over time, and in a systematic way self-awareness, self-management, empathy and social skills.” These are all the “real results” that are trademarks of CrabbieMasters.
Simply put, CrabbieMasters is Social and Emotional Learning Disguised as Fun!
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Watch Becky Undlin talk about how she started the program and give parents some quick tips:
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